THE 'SHIT HAPPENS' FOREIGN POLICY

America's answer to Polandball.

by Colin Liddell

"The West is the best and we'll do the rest," sang Jim Morrison on that damning 1967 indictment of poor parenting and pharmacological excess, The End. Despite it's intended irony, the lyric nevertheless reflected the realities underlying US foreign policy at the time, which consisted of believing in the Western way, stepping up to the mark when challenged, taking responsibility for what happened on one's watch, and trying to win in the cold light of day and with the world's media watching. Heck, America still gets it in the neck for that famous photo of one gook shooting another gook in the head.

With the Soviet Union doing such a good job of being a shining beacon of progress in those days with its cheap shots against neo-colonialism, inequalities of wealth, and mean differences in height and body mass, America had to do its best to fight the good fight and to go down with the ship when holed below the waterline, as it did in the 1970s, a decade which can be likened to one enormous session of navel gazing: cue Apocalypse Now.

TRIUMPH OF THE TOWELHEADS

The Nobel Art of Self Deception

by Colin Liddell

There’s no getting away from it: Whiteys strive for importance on a non-stop, seven-days-a-week, bending-over-backwards, sell-their-own-grandmothers-for-it basis. I say this having spent much of my life in Africa, Asia, and London, so I have ‘control groups,’ as the scientists say, to help me measure tendencies like this.

Not every Whitey of course, but enough of them. in contrast to other groups, for it to be a general characteristic. But even in cases where they don’t appear to be striving, I think a lot of them really are. Take Andy Nowicki’s recent article on über-slacker Kurt Cobain. What was that thing with a shotgun if it wasn’t an attempt to out-nihil all the other gurning grungers?

Now we get the latest Nobel Peace Prize, which, as far as I can be bothered to find out, is decided by yet another clique of self-important Whiteys in some Scandinavian country. What is it with us Whiteys that we want to make up dumb, self-important prizes and drop them from the sky on their baffled recipients? You definitely won’t catch the Africans, Arabs, Indians, or Chinese going in for this sport.