Wednesday, 3 April 2013


by Rachel Haywire

Faithful members of the far right fringe, do not despair!

You think it’s game over. You’re losing hope. You just can’t ride that tiger anymore, and your entire movement has been infiltrated by hipsters and libertarians. This is more than the death of the west—it’s the death of your personal achievements. What in the dying world are you going to do when someone named Rachel fucking Haywire is writing for Alternative Right?

I’m here to tell you that it’s not over yet. In fact, the battle has only begun. Cheer up, cynical white man! Let me hand you a lollipop against liberalism! The counter-revolt is now as trendy as Williamsburg and this is not a bad thing. The Internet is full of neo-reaction, and tonight we go to war.

Here are 10 Tips for a Successful Counter-Revolution

1. Learn to speak like the enemy. Get into their groove. Twist and turn their catch phrases around. Make top 10 lists. Go to popular conferences and act like you support the latest cause. Go to their elite parties and make yourself a part of the furniture. Might is left, and it is your job to make it right again. You cannot do this without understanding the left.

2. Rewrite the narrative. Downplay the achievements of PC culture. Instead of crying about how liberals are oppressing you, make it clear that liberals are being oppressed. Oppress liberals. Highlight the achievements of non-PC writers, entrepreneurs, and professors. Instead of feeling like a victim because the new establishment = the United States of Social Causes, declare that the new establishment is on its way out. Make it so. Stomp out the new establishment. Use neo-reactionary populists to your advantage. Be a winner, not a whiner.

3. Marginalize, marginalize, marginalize. You may be marginalized for your politics, but if all marginalized people were suddenly put into a room, the size of the crowd would be much larger than the key players of the United States of Social Causes. As for the unwashed masses, it is easy to get them to switch rooms. All you need is charisma and intelligence. Confine the United States of Social Causes to a small area of irrelevancy.

4. Accept that the right wing = the proletariat. You may hate the term proletariat but it certainly applies here. The Communists were successful in overthrowing the upper class. The result = you at the bottom. Do you want to be The Golden Dawn or The Golden Yawn? Fight back! Drag your rulers down by the heels of their cruelty-free boots and declare yourself monarch. Instigate.

5. Match your social status to your warrior status. You may be a warrior of the highest order, but that doesn’t mean the nice lady at the store thinks you’re anything but a homophobic faggot. The nice lady at the store is tres untermensch, but you need her for your master plan. Engage in small talk with her about the latest trend. She will remember you when she is down on her luck and begging for a gun. The nice lady at the store is your friend. Make friends. Lots of them.

6. Become the elite. Capitalism is as capitalism does. The reason people in this culture would rather buy t-shirts referencing social memes than historical artifacts and/or esoteric literature, is that the right wing currently sucks at capitalism and webdesign. Study the neo-reactionaries who are making websites that rival the dominant current. Control the media. Don’t be afraid of looking Jewish. Sell, sell, sell!

7. Confront white people on their lack of awareness. The only people who truly advocate equality are white liberals. Blame the white man for hating the white man. Blame the white man for having no cultural or ethnic identity. No other culture hates white people like the culture of white people. Look in the mirror and realize that your brothers and sisters have a sickness. No amount of crime in the ghetto will stop the white man from protesting you. Don’t be afraid to fight the white that is wrong.

8. Leave the house. Get out there and interact with other counter-revolutionaries. It’s no longer a secret that PC culture is a thorn in the side of America. It’s time for an open dialogue among educated non-academics. Instead of staying home and expressing your disgust for modernity on 4chan, express your disgust for modernity at your local bar or university. You will find that many others agree with you, even if you need to whisper in a small corner. The whispers will soon turn into screams. This is a war, and you are not the only soldier on the battlefield.

9. Don’t put down your sword. Remember that you are doing this in the name of virtue, merit, and restoration. Some people say to enjoy the decline, but why not grab the decline by the throat and show it how ugly it truly is? The ship may be sinking (ok, let’s be honest, it already sunk), but you can construct another, eminently seaworthy boat. Raise your sword tonight. Raise it higher than ever before. It’s time for you to sail some new waters.

10. Embrace your will to power. If you’re one of those people who thinks that power is an evil tool reserved for the United States of Social Causes, you are no better than the social activists who ask you to sign their petitions. You are under the boot of faux-egalitarianism. Quit being so oppressed. Power can be yours if you want it. Go out there and take it.

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