[TRIGGER WARNING: Whitesplaining]
With the amount of police shootings liberals are complaining about these days you’d think that a black man can’t walk outside without getting brutally massacred by cop. In fact, that’s what some liberals are actually saying. But even if you’re black, it’s actually really easy not to get shot by the police. Furthermore, there are steps YOU, as a black man, can take to not only avoid getting shot by the police, but to avoid negative police interaction PERIOD!
At this point, you’re probably asking “But Bob, HOW do I not get shot by the police?” Let me start with my credentials. I have a quarter century’s experience in not getting shot by the police. For years, I’ve been able to not only avoid getting shot by police, but I’ve been able to generally avoid negative police interaction period. Now, you may be on the verge of a pavlovian response, ready to scream “WHITE PRIVILEGE” as your liberal slaveowners have told you to scream–before you do, let me tell you that yes, I did utilize White Privilege, and you can too. I’ll get to that.
|Stop fucking listening to these people. They do not have your best interests at heart. We do.|
First, here are a couple of steps you can take RIGHT NOW to avoid getting shot by the police.
1. Don’t shoot at cops.
2. Don’t beat up cops.
3. Do what the police tell you to do.
If there is a gun sticking in your face, and a police officer is screaming at you to put your hands in the air. Actually put your hands in the air and follow all further commands. DO NOT under any circumstances reach for the gun, or airsoft pistol, sticking out of your pants. I don’t care if you’re 12 years old and it doesn’t matter if it’s a toy gun. Don’t fucking do it. Ever. It will get you shot.
4. Stop dressing like a criminal.
5. Stop acting like a criminal.
6. Stop actually being a criminal and encourage your buddies to do the same.
The last three in particular are a great way to mimic a lot of the benefits of white privilege. After all, most white people aren’t criminals. Meanwhile, one in three black men are going to go to jail at some point in their life. If you want to change the way black people are viewed in America, the answer isn’t burning down your local Quiktrip on the insistence of white communist sympathizers–the answer is changing yourself.
Hopefully, this guide will help you in dealing with police officers in your neighborhood. Next time you have an interaction with one, make it a positive one, and be sure to thank them! After all, they are working really hard to clean up your crime infested inner city community.
Originally published at The Right Stuff.