Summary: Although his Star Wars has warmed on me slightly after initial shattering disappointment, this is another terrible exercise in cinematic excrement from JJ Abrams, this time as producer.I'm sure, like me, you have all been waiting your whole lives for the John Goodman rape dungeon movie. Correct? Well folks, guess what? Wait NO more! The Goodman rape dungeon pic for all the family is now here via your purveyor of high brown cinematic culture and content – Hollywood’s new "Mr. Wunderkunt" – JJ Abrams. Yes, John Goodman is in full Joseph Fritzl mode, building himself a nice little family life down in the depths of his bomb shelter somewhere in the rural Mid West.
“But hold up a minute” I hear you say. “Is this not a sequel to the Cloverfield movie about some giant rip-off of Godzilla that the said Wunderkunt thought up a few years back?” Yes it's true. Cloverfield (one) was indeed a Godzilla type creature wrecking havoc on a city, told from a POV perspective and was not a total failure all things considered, but neither was it that wonderful. “So has Cloverfield two got anything to do with Cloverfield one?” you ask hopefully. In a word, No! They are two entirely different and unrelated movies, just with some slight monster silliness in both.
JJ Abrams has come to represent the NEW GEN of Hollywood directors (snore) – most of whom you don't remember as they are almost anonymous and interchangeable. Names like Bret Rattner, McG, Dan Trachtenberg (who directs here), Zack Snyder, Gavin Hood, Matthew Vaughn, Bryan Singer, Tim Miller, yada yada yada. Of this motley crew JJ is The King. He stands out as the one most earnestly and convincingly trying to rip off the career of their directorial Ur-form – Mr Steven Spielberg.
|Not a good time for a selfie.|
This makes the actions of the characters up to this point null and void, while negating the whole emotional dynamic of the film's plot – with the protagonists actually battling against someone who is out to save them! The last 15 minutes includes a brief fight with some weird aliens who look like they were borrowed from that sequence in Star Wars where Han Solo first re-appeared on that space ship. Glomp! But the whole result is all rather pointless, I’m afraid.
Die hard fans of sci-fi thrillers may like it and even appreciate the perverse twists – but I’d sooner watch a classic 50s sci-fi movie, like Them!, The Thing, or Earth vs. The Flying Saucers – as well you should.